One third of my treatment is now complete – some thoughts before the start of Cycle 2 tomorrow.
I’m once again packing my suitcase for what will – hopefully – be a shorter hospital stay this time around. I have no surgery and no specialist appointments this time around, just 5 days of BEP chemotherapy.
The first cycle was… uneventful. I was fortunate not to experience any major side effects and I was generally able to go about my normal day-to-day life during my two weeks at home.
My blood tests have also shown that my body is generally handling the treatment very well, with only slight but expected dips in red and white blood cell counts. In the case of the latter, my oncologist prescribed me some injections to get them back up again before the second round.
Over the course of this first cycle, I have received several compliments on the mental strength with which I am approaching this experience. I agree that it is a core reason behind why it has gone so well so far, alongside my incredibly strong support circle.
I have for many years refrained from talking much publicly about my relationship with Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhism. Mostly because I do believe that spirituality is a private matter. However, with so many bringing up my mental fortitude, it is simply not possible to at least briefly address this topic.
I have practiced Buddhist meditation for the past eight years. Three years ago, I received my refuge vows from H.E. Garchen Rinpoche, after which my practice intensified significantly.
Since 2018, I have had the unbelievable fortune to receive teachings, oral transmissions, and empowerments from several remarkable teachers of Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhism, both from Tibet and the West. I have accumulated thousands of hours of meditation practice during which I gradually learned to tame the mind and work with both emotions and thoughts.
I bring all of this up because if today I am able to meet this intense experience calmly and openly, it is because I have spent most of the past decade practicing on and off the cushion. It is said that it is easy to meditate during the good times, but once difficult circumstances arises, you’ll find out if you’ve actually realised the teachings.
I am beyond grateful for everything I have learned over the past years and I am doing my best to meet this time with awareness and compassion.
Tomorrow, the next part of the journey begins. I will keep you updated.
May you always be happy and healthy. Catch you soon.
just thoughts 